Standing In the Rain
LAYOFFS ARE HARD. I’ve been there… and boy did it shake me.
A little over 10 years ago, I was laid off from a director position at an agency shortly after delivering a $2M digital marketing program for a high-end digital engagement. I became redundant (Associate Digital Director working on print work), but in truth I may have sensed it coming.
Still, it devastated me.
The day of, we were given the option to work the whole day or leave early. This is more dignity than what I’m seeing from some companies recently, but it still felt like crap. I chose the half day.
I handed over everything I was working on to my manager — who was astounded by my sense of duty, but I think I was so shocked I went on autopilot. I checked in with my direct reports, gave them my mobile number, then left and called my mom from the car. I didn’t cry for a week… but plenty of worry.
I was always everyone else’s backup plan… who would catch me if I fell? But listen, where attention goes, energy flows.
Within hours, I canceled a new apartment lease… and shortly thereafter, I began spiraling.
I always loved my work, the tech industry, and invested in a menagerie of dynamic skills that make me a unicorn. But none of that mattered. All I could imagine was worst-case scenarios that were hella dramatic and ended up with me on the streets. I was always everyone else’s backup plan… who would catch me if I fell?
But listen, where attention goes, energy flows.
Since hindsight is 20/20, I’m sharing what I wish someone would have told me — whether I believed it or not. Our experiences are to help others, so hopefully this gives just one person tools to navigate feeling stuck in the rain.
It’s important to remember — rain doesn’t last as long as your fear. You may get soaked when you’re stuck in it, but you will find shelter, and then you’ll dance.
WHAT I WISH SOMEONE WOULD HAVE TOLD ME
- Feel the feelings. Find the facts.
Just let your feelings be. Don’t let folks weigh you down if you’re feeling relieved. But if looking on the bright side means you’re denying your feelings, it’s toxic positivity (more on that below). Suppressing sadness and hurt transforms it into deeper trauma that will recur until it’s released. Lowering yourself with negativity will make you feel dense and less creative. If helpful, unpack your experience with a good listener who’s also good at confidentiality. And a reminder: feelings report the weather inside but aren’t always accurate about the weather outside. Separate feelings from facts. - Resist toxic people: toxic positivity, negative nags, and social succubae. Limit time with those who need you to mirror them in order to feel comfortable. Limit gorging on information that doesn’t have application. And it’s not disloyal if you don’t want to commiserate with colleagues. What you need may change day-to-day, week-to-week, and month-to-month… and that’s ok. But resist what gives you an allergic emotional reaction while you’re still having emotional reactions.
- Be mindful of changing or canceling major plans.
Oprah Winfrey reminds us that fear is the cheapest seat in the house. If you are considering canceling a prepaid vacation for a refund, skipping a girl’s road trip with your bestie, or selling concert tickets — be thoughtful. Where’s that coming from? In my case, I canceled a lease — and it was the right thing to do, but I did it with fear and anxiety rather than clarity and confidence. That created a pattern of housing insecurity that lasted for years. Ask yourself, “Why do I want to I cancel this? What would happen if I did it anyway? How is canceling this going to impact me long term?” - Don’t look for a job right away. I started job-searching for the exact same type of role I had the Wednesday after my layoff (less than week later). I was filled with frenzy, anxiety, and scarcity energy. I hadn’t even finished filing for unemployment. Times were uncertain then, and they are similar now. But even though I needed to find something soon… future me deserved more than a week. We’re all different but give yourself time to build a search approach and criteria for the next chapter.
- Talk to someone… the right someone. I didn’t know how to process what happened and no one in my immediate circle had the experience (yet). Folks closest to me didn’t know my industry, and my network was distant because — well, I disconnected from people out of fear of judgement. It would have been better to find a coach or therapist. I ended up getting support from fellow gamers in an MMORPG, but there were other healthy options I just didn’t think to pursue.
- Do something amazing for yourself. It doesn’t have to be expensive or extravagant; just meaningful. Try to remember the time period you’re in for more than just, “that time I was laid off/unemployed.” If it gives you an awakening or life shift, great. But it could just be fun or peace-bringing. Nurture your sense of wonder and you will attract the same. I just lamented at first, and it cost me time, peace and perspective.
- Don’t take shitty offers. I received two offers during my search period, lots of non-responses, and one decline saying that I was a great candidate and very qualified but seemed anxious (desperate). Of the two offers I received; one started the next calendar year but required me to fund my own cross-country move. The other started immediately, with a $19,000 salary cut because, “you’re not making anything right now… right?” Don’t let people handle you like this. People don’t get to treat you like your situation. You ARE IN a situation, you ARE NOT a situation. I’ll talk more about “compromising” in the last article.
Some of this may feel difficult to hear or believe right now. I’m open to questions and even feedback. Although I’m not your coach, I’m a coach who cares. Plus — I’ll never forget how that time in life stung. Eventually, with more perspective, I ended up learning to dance in the rain and become the sunshine. That’s my sincere hope for anyone reading this who needs it.
Got questions? I’ll address them as best I can. Stay tuned for the next installment… Shelter In The Rain.
DISCLAIMER: Engaging with this content does not constitute as a coach-coachee relationship. This is not paid or client advice. If you choose to solely rely on this content without consulting your own professional coach, counselor, career planner, mentor, etceterra — you acknowledge that this is a personal decision to act upon non-directive reflections of my own experience.
