You Can Overcome Trauma at Work

Recently, I celebrated a client’s awesome new job. With gratitude and relief, they talked about their new supportive manager who is inclusive, empathetic, and extremely competent. But in seconds, switched to how challenging it was to accept that things were really good. The toxic work environment my client escaped (after years) had lingering impacts. This is workplace trauma.

Research from the U.S. Department of Justice revealed — “recent surveys of workplace suggests that another form of violence, emotional abuse, is more frequent, has similar effects as physical, sexual, and racial violence, and yet appears to be more socially acceptable. Emotional abuse refers to the hostile verbal and nonverbal behaviors that are not explicitly tied to sexual or racial content yet are directed at gaining compliance from others.”

Some signs of toxic environments include bullying, withholding, shutting down and dismissing, or threats (no matter how cheeky or funny they’re made).

According to Professor Birgit Schyns from NEOMA Business School, Rotterdam School of Management (RSM) at Erasmus University, ‘People can greatly suffer from psychological abuse by their supervisor, with consequences ranging from increased levels of depression, emotional exhaustion and anxiety to insomnia, problem drinking, and reduced satisfaction with life.’

It’s devastating to read, but not surprising.

Bottom line: toxic work environments, including teams with abusive cultures, negatively impact physical and mental health, and lasts long after leaving. Research shows that when employees leave abusive work environments, they don’t flip a switch so I can’t overstate that if you are in a toxic, emotionally abusive, or traumatic work environment, no time is too soon to leave.

But what do you do until then? Experts recommend —

1. Get support immediately: A therapist, coach, or other trustworthy individual can help you process through confidential conversations that are protected and won’t be shared until you’re ready.
2. Keep a journal: This goes beyond HR documentation, you need a place to process your feelings and experiences. Document how you think about your traumatic workplace or coworkers. Note what you’re doing when you start thinking/talking about them. What is the night before work like? What about two days before?
3. Develop an escape plan: This can be challenging to do alone, which is why many people stay in unhealthy work environments so long. A support team can help you consider options and plan your exit. A coach or external HR professional is invaluable in this endeavor.
4. Protect your mindset — You can’t control what happens outside of you, but you can choose how to think about it. Again, a coach or mentor can support you in maintaining your perspective. This is extremely important when looking for new positions so you can do more than escape, you can excel.
5. Protect yourself professionally — Reevaluate your boundaries with your time, your conversation and your relationships. Not everyone who chats with you is for you. Also, be intentional about protecting your brand by controlling your own narratives.

What to do once you leave a toxic situation:

1. Continue working on your mindset. You are no longer there, so you’ll need to remove the scales from your eyes. You may still be prickly and that’s ok to acknowledge. You may even have habits that need to be purged.
2. Create a vision. Think about and write down what you want the new normal to be for yourself. Write intentions or affirmations since your reflexes are based on trauma.
3. Forgive yourself. Many people have a faulty way of holding themselves accountable for “letting” something bad happen to us. This is not healthy or productive, especially when you are immersed in an environment you cannot change. Work through shame and let it go. This includes should-haves, if-only, and wish-I-had-done. This is an important step in building resilience.
4. Share smart. Let your immediate supervisor, new mentor, or other trusted leader know that you are excited about learning new ways to think and engage. Tell them you are looking forward to unlearning things that no longer serve you and learning new ways to be your best. This is especially important in the first 60 days. Don’t rehash or replay your old story. When it’s necessary to tell, you’ll know. And if you still need someone to unpack with, contact a coach, mentor, or therapist (see #5).
5. Stay in touch with your support system. Yep, again I reiterate — you will benefit from a continuous support system to work through your baggage efficiently. You may be able to do it alone, but why? You’ll thrive and grow faster in your new role when you effectively purge the old mindset.

Abusive or toxic workplaces are bad for everyone in them — even people who aren’t being directly harmed. They affect trust, creativity, productivity, and how employees relate to each other. Instead of bringing their brightest and being engaged, employees in toxic workplaces (whether they are being directly abused or observe it) spend more time on protection scenarios. This is similar to the response to emotional abuse experienced in personal relationships.

The effects caused by one horrible boss, an abusive team, or a toxic work culture built on destructive values can be long-standing. But it’s possible to enjoy work again with support and a plan.

I know you can do it.

xo, Mahoney

Short list of references:

Signs of Emotional Abuse at Work (and How to React) | Cleverism

Emotional Abuse in the Workplace: Conceptual and Empirical Issues | Office of Justice Programs

Emotional Abuse in the Workplace — ADR Times